90210 Recap: ShanDo’s Back

-Kicking off where the last show left off, Annie and Naomi meet their half brother, Shawn (Josh Henderson), and bring him right inside to Annie’s birthday party. ‘Cause that wouldn’t be totally awkward. Naomi’s mom Tracy suddenly runs in, totally chipper, with her flowing weave pulled into a side pony. All she needs is a scrunchy to complete the look flying off the side of her head as she giddily yells, “Where’s my SON? Look at us! We’re one big happy family now. It’s it great?” Totes. It’s the bomb. It’s almost as rad as the Jersey Shore hair she’s got going on.

-Watching Shenae Grimes fake eat her birthday cake. She can’t even act that believably and we're sure she practices that all the time.

-“Hey girlfriend,” says Ethan. “Yes, boyfriend?” replies Annie. “Nothing I just like saying that.” “I like hearing it.”Someone wrote that? Seriously? Seriously.

-Naomi tells her Latin suitor, “I have to say it’d be a cold day in Tijuana before I ever ask you for anything.” Wow. She loves to let the racist slurs fly! Next week she should go ahead and just call him a Beaner.

-“Debriefing? That’s funny, I always took you for a boxers kind of guy,” Adrianna remarks to Dixon. Ummm, is that a joke? This one goes down in the Pun Hall of Hell. For shame!

-90210 blatantly ripping off Mean Girls’ cafeteria sequence as Naomi searches for a new posse to roll with as Silver and Annie bitchy blog it. How high-tech. Perfect timing for the CW to toss in some major T-Mobile Sidekick product placement. Way to brainwash the youth of America.

-ShanDo’s return is marked by a monologue where she tells Kelly, “I guess I don’t see history as a good enough reason to keep going on this way. Especially when we haven’t learned anything from that history.” It could be the show’s writers and producers talking about themselves and the monstrosity they’ve created as a false idol. Preach!

-Adrianna barfing on the lacrosse sidelines. We smell a pregnancy storyline. Why does Adrianna get all the good stuff but we’re still forced to watch the super douche crew of Annie, Ethan, Naomi, Silver and Dixon? Blech! We want Mr. Matthews, ShanDo, Adrianna and her Papa Don’t Preach Moment, Kelly Taylor and an appearance by Brian Austin Green. We’ll accept NO SUBSTITUES!

-Wasn’t Tristan Wilds a good actor once? We never watched The Wire but from what we hear, he was fantastic on it. His angry “why don’t you love me, daddy?” scenes sparked by the arrival of the new son are pathetically bad. Has he been taking lessons from Shenae Grimes? Or is the show’s overall atrocious acting rubbing off by osmosis? Or did he always suck?

-ShanDo admitting she slept with Ryan! Hot damn, it’s the FIRST GENUINELY good moment on 90210! It only took ¾ of a season to get there.

That’s an hour of our life we’ll never get back. TWSOT continues to be just that and this week we didn’t even get a Ryan Eggold sighting to keep things interesting. We hate you, 90210. You SUCK!