Ali Larter Whines About Being Too Fat

Heroes star Ali Larter, 32, who most people remember as the ho who wore a whipped-cream bikini in 1999’s Varsity Blues, is Allure’s July cover girl.

The model-turned-actress and Jersey girl (bleeech, on both counts) talks about how she once had to have her thighs duct-taped before a photo shoot because “they were a little too round” and how she was once told to lose weight on a film.

“The faxes went out from the producers and the director to my agents, to my manager, to call me and ask me to lose weight," Larter says. "I just remember sitting in my trailer hysterically crying from the embarrassment I felt about myself, my body - and that no one could talk to me directly.”

Wow. Is that a joke? Yes, it’s gross that Hollywood has such skewed standards (paging Joan Allen), but she’s kidding right?

Cry us a freakin’ river, Larter.

Boo hoo, you were a model with no discernable talent who found success as an actress because you’re pretty, and you have no problem trotting your body out like a show pony (HELLO! Whipped-cream bikini!!!). There are innumerable actresses a million times more talented than you that will never book a job because they don’t have your genetics.

So shut your whiney, perfectly pouty, little mouth, go count your millions and eat a Zone bar in their honor.