Top Five Best and Worst Films of 2008

Let's get the painful worst out of the way first so we can end this year on the high note of what was great.

Worst
1. Hounddog
A terribly written, amateurishly directed, horrendously acted, self-important parable about lost innocence rife with Adam and Eve symbolism; the film’s major claim to fame is the rape of 12-year-old Dakota Fanning. To call it offensively bad is to be kind. 

2. Seven Pounds
Or, as we like to call it, “Seven Pounds of Cheese.” Will Smith’s God complex is raging out of control these days but even he can’t be the savior of a film that leaves the audience (and, admittedly, its director and star) without a plot trajectory for the first 45 minutes. Unfortunately, once you’ve figured out what the film is about, you have another hour to suffer through. We want to know what movie exec got amped on a pitch that must’ve sounded something like this: “It’s Pay It Forward meets Memento but it’s about suicide and organ donation!” To quote the Donald, you’re fired.   

3. The Women
Because women in Hollywood don’t already have a hard enough time getting any damn respect. Diane English, who we can thank for Murphy Brown, deserves to be flogged for this shrill, outdated mess of a chick-flick about a woman (Meg Ryan, almost unrecognizable after all the plastic surgery) dealing with the fallout of her husband’s affair. Bitch slaps all around for setting the feminist movement back fifty years. 

4. Surfer, Dude
How can an hour and a half of shirtless Matthew McConaughey be bad? We didn’t think it was possible…but somehow they found a way. To even call this a film is to lower the integrity of the entire genre. From the script fashioned almost entirely of grunts about weed and waves to the direction that must’ve consisted largely of “I dunno, what do you wanna do?” conversations with the cast and crew, writer-director S.R. Bindler, a name, for his sake, we sincerely hope is a pseudonym, proves, it’s not what you know, it’s who.

5. The Love Guru
You know you’re going to suffer when you have to watch the man who won an Oscar for playing Gandhi participate in a “Stinky Mop” duel, where contenders whack at each other with mops soaked in urine. Mike Myers’ first original character since Austin Powers is a guru desperate to dethrone Deepak Chopra as the nation's leading spiritual leader. We were just desperate for it to be over. Unfunny, uninspired, unredeemable.

Not-So-Honorable Mention:
Swing Vote 
Oh goodie, more election year rhetoric. A film about one vote that quickly becomes painfully one note. And didn’t Kevin Costner used to be charismatic?

Best
1. Slumdog Millionaire  
Inspired and inspiring filmmaking on every level, Danny Boyle’s tale of a penniless orphan on the verge of winning $20 million rupees on India’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire in the hopes of getting the attention of the woman he’s spent his entire life loving, is the most uplifting, unforgettable film of the year. Perfection. It seers into your brain and your heart, sending you floating out of the theater. 

2. Milk
Gus Van Sant’s skillfully delivers a biopic about the life of the nation’s first openly gay elected official, San Francisco’s Harvey Milk, while shepherding Sean Penn, James Franco and Josh Brolin to some of the strongest performances of their careers. Timely, emotionally resonant and artfully constructed, it’s Van Sant’s best film since 1997’s Good Will Hunting.

3. The Dark Knight
Years from now, people will look back at The Dark Knight as a film that changed the action movie genre in the way Pulp Fiction changed independent film. Christopher Nolan second Batman film is a dark, weighty epic, beautifully composed, brilliantly styled and masterfully acted. With The Dark Knight, a new standard was set, not just for superhero movies, but for all filmmakers.  

4. Tropic Thunder
Plenty of movies call themselves “comedies” but the truth is, very few of them are actually funny. Tropic Thunder, however, had us weeping, yelping and gasping for breath we were laughing so hard. Earning them both Golden Globe nominations, Robert Downey Jr. is unforgettable as “a dude, playing a dude, disguised as another dude” while Tom Cruise returned to his previous glory for one shining moment as air-ass-slapping, Diet Coke-demanding, Ludacris-loving movie exec, Les Grossman. From the faux movie trailers that start the film to Cruise’s final dance number, a nonstop riot.

5. Iron Man
Forget Mickey Rourke and The Wrestler, the Comeback Kid of 2008 was Robert Downey Jr. Backed by a Black Sabbath anthem; he resurrected his career, took it to soaring new heights and launched a major film franchise. Yes, everyone’s stoked The Avengers is on its way but the summer of ’08 simply wouldn’t have been the same without RDJ’s lithe brand of comedy. His sardonic wit mixed with the ability to deliver pathos or passion is what makes him one of the greatest actors of our time. Lest we forget, director Jon Favreau is the man we have to thank for reminding us of Downey’s brilliance while turning in a kick ass film that was smart, funny and thrilling. Our only gripe is how long we now have to wait for the second installment.

Honorable Mention:
Hamlet 2
Hilarious and irreverent, the film is best summed up in the final musical number. Sing a little section with us:
“Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus
He died for our sins
You gotta believe us
Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus
All night long
The Immaculate Conception really makes my day
But the dude’s got lats that make me feel gay
"Turn the other cheek" is really showing class
But I really think it’s sexy when he kicks Satan’s ass
Kicks Satan’s ass!
Kicks Satan’s ass!”

We look forward to many more highlights and lowlights in 2009.