Dancing with the Stars Elimination Night Recap: Week Seven

Last night Len kicked off the show by saying “I know that last night, the election, was exciting but for us, Monday night was absolutely fantastic.” Really, Len? Really? You’re comparing a historic victory and the election of the first African-American or bi-racial President of the United States to a bunch of D-List celebrities prancing around in Bedazzled spandex and satin outfits? Oooookay.

Rather than having just one couple perform an encore, Team Paso Doble was invited back for their group dance and, this time, Warren looked more nervous than we’d ever seen him. His focused consternation was a little disconcerting. Maurice seemed even more energetic and committed then he’d been on Monday and Brooke and Derek nailed the section of choreography they flubbed the first time. Ole!

When Lionel Richie took the stage to perform his new single, “Good Morning,” we wanted to love it but the truth is all we want to hear Richie sing is “Hello” or “Dancing on the Ceiling,” especially if he’s going to be off key the whole time. Alec and Edyta’s accompanying performance didn’t help matters either, especially with Edyta dressed in some kind of gnarly mail-order bridal lingerie flying around spread eagle and giving new meaning to the word “Tacky.” We have second-hand embarrassment for her.

Before they bust out a new edition of Dance Center with Jerry Rice, Len Goodman and Kenny Mayne, they announce the first safe couple is Maurice and Cheryl before Kenny delivers the best line on the show this season: “Warren [Sapp] is fat with an f and a ph.”

Dave Scott, our man who choreographed Step Up 2: The Streets, Stomp the Yard and You Got Served, took the stage next for a mesmerizing, Michael Jackson-at-his-best-in-the-good ol’ days, three ring circus dance performance complete with sword swallowers, contortionists and illusionists, all dancing his ill choreography. SICK! DOPE! Ah-May-Zing! The only thing that could have possibly made it even slightly better is if Step Up 2 star Robert Hoffman had made an appearance (though his cohorts, Luis Rosado, who played Monster, and Harry Shum Jr., who was Cable, were part of Scott’s troupe.) Now THAT is dancing. Dave Scott totally blew our minds.

But back to elimination. The next couple continuing on in the competition is Brooke and Derek (well, of course, they need to win this thing). Warren and Kym are also safe. That leaves all three members of Team Cha Cha in jeopardy.

Before we can find out who’s in the bottom two, Lionel Richie returns for another performance and this time it’s…“DANCING ON THE CEILING!!!” Holla!!! The entire DWTS audience leaps to their feet.  Dancing on the floor to Dancing on the Ceiling are Tony, Kym, Cheryl and Maks (who just buzzed his head and it looks HOT!) who absolutely let it rip. You can tell the pros relish these brief moments where they get to really strut their stuff.

With Team Cha Cha awaiting their fate, the next safe couple is Lance and Lacey leaving Cody and Edyta and Susan and Tony in the bottom two.

And the couple sent home this week on Dancing with the Stars is…

Susan and Tony.

THANK GOD! It was beyond time for this to happen. It was fun while it lasted but it’s time for you to back to Pine Valley, sweet pea. In a cruel twist of fate, their last dance is performed to “Hit the Road, Jack.”

Sometimes life writes the best jokes.

The fat has been cut, we’re down to the nitty-gritty and DWTS is about to get real interesting.

Until next week.