Dancing with the Stars Recap: Week Six

First up were Maurice and Cheryl dancing a Viennese Waltz which was technically proficient but lacked any chemistry. Guest judge Michael “Lord of the Dance” Flatley said it was unbelievable to see the fastest man on earth do something “so slow and elegant” even though he thought parts could have been a little smoother. Carrie Ann praised the improvement in Maurice's posture but was also struck by how little connection there was between M&C. Bruno, filling Len’s shoes as the surly, hard to please judge, said it lacked “the sweep and the grace it needed. It was like a surfer on dry land,” in other words, “a little bit raggedy.” With sevens across the board, they waltz off with 21 points.

Lance (Sir Dance-a-Lot) and Lacey kicked off their week of rehearsals with a visit from his former band members Chris Fitzpatrick and Joey Fatone, a former Dancing finalist. Dancing the Jive, Lance’s hot pink spats highlighted how tight his footwork was. Even though Lacey continued to do her best to outshine him, their Jive was a rollicking good time. Even Anna Faris loved it (What the hell was she doing in the audience last night, BTW?). Bruno said it had “sharp edges, gleaming with confidence.” Flattery congratulated them and said, “welcome to the fight…you had everything tonight, you came out smoking.” Carrie Ann loved it so much she did a happy dance that almost had her nude dress flashing some major booby. Nines across the board landed them a score of 27 and the top spot on the leader board.

Susan and Tony called in a DWTS alum this week too: Cameron Mathison, hello dreamy dreamboat. But neither the glimmer of Cameron nor the navel bearing, armless shirt Tony was wearing could distract from just how bad Lucci is. Susan and Tony’s Mambo required Susan to wiggle, shake and sway but she was painful uncomfortable, palpably so, from the start and then…GASP!...they messed up the steps, BADLY. From them on, Susan was like a woman dancing her way to death row. Do you hear that sound? It’s the death knell for Lucci who we initially thought would make it to the finals. Carrie Ann tried to be nice and said, “You broke the box” (referring to the tiny glass box she said Lucci danced in last week). Bruno at least is honest and says, “the timing was off. You lost it so many times, I counted.” Michael called her the epitome of grace, “You might have been off on your timing but there’s no reason to dwell on it.” Wait, it’s this supposed to be a dancing competition? It DOES matter if she’s off. We SHOULD dwell on it. They give her a far too generous 23 points but any smart viewer should realize this needs to be Susan’s final weak…we mean, week.

Brooke and Derek were next with a Rumba. We always look forward to seeing these two dance but this week they revealed that Brooke, our favorite to win, hurt her foot last week and was told to take six days off. Proving she’s a major trooper, she pushed through but the injury cost them rehearsal time and this week they had twice the dances (Rumba and Group). But that couldn’t stop these two.  Their Rumba started out a little stiff and tight but soon they were slithering across each other like sexed up snakes. Holla! When Derek grabbed a big hunk of Brooke’s hair and then lifted her into standing splits we were so hyped up we almost licked our television set. Michael Flatley said, “You took my breath away, absolutely intoxicating. I hope I have a card here big enough for your score.” Carrie Ann said, “Ohhh, Brooke, this was not your best dance. I hate saying that but I think your injury affected you.” Bruno said, “I know what you can do but tonight you were under-par.” For the first time, you can see they were a little beat down. They still receive a 10 from Michael and two eights giving them a score of 26, but they slip from the top of the leader board for the first time in weeks.

Next Cloris and Corky took the Cha Cha Cha. Actually, Corky took on Cloris and then carried her through the Cha Cha Cha. As usual, Corky danced and Cloris sort of stood there and then stumbled through a few simple steps and then Corky threw her into the most awkward, nail biting version of an airplane, aerial thing we’ve ever seen. Horrifying! Bruno said, “You’ve got the be the only person in the world able to sell such nonsense, and  people BUY it!” Michael, always the gentleman, comforted her by saying, “You’re an inspiration to older people. My father told me not to say a bad word about you but…I think you’re incredibly lucky to have a talented young man like [Corky] helping you each week.” Carrie Ann went for the jugular on honesty and admitted, “We lost Toni Braxton for this and that makes me sad. It’s the truth.” It is! Every time we see Cloris we’re struck at how terrible she is and that she has no place in the competition. They get fives across the board for a total of 15. We feel so badly for Corky, he’d obviously incredibly talented, patient and capable, he just needs a better partner. Maybe next year.

After Cody and Julianne take the stage for their Samba, we only have one question: What is Julianne doing to her partners in rehearsals? All of her partners (including two past champs) bring it hardcore! She’s a hit maker…but for dancers. With Brooke and Derek hampered by Brooke’s injury, Cody and Julianne might be able to overtaken them. Carrie Ann describes their dance as “the most intense Samba I’ve ever seen. Cody, you are growing by miles and I love it.” Bruno, on the other hand, quibbled, “I totally disagree, it was NOT a samba. It was more like a paso doble.” The Lord of the Dance told them, “You have everything it takes…but I’m not convinced this was your best night.” As they waited for their scores, Julianne said she’s going in for surgery tomorrow to have her appendix removed due to complications from endometriosis and Edyta will be taking her place until she’s able to recover enough to come back which she hopes will be within a week. Cody, who was noticeably upset, put his arm around her and said, “I’m sad I’m not going to be with Julianne and I’m a little worried about her.” Their score of 23 is solid but it doesn’t ensure their future in the competition. We thought they deserved higher marks.

Finally, Warren and Kym danced a Rumba that was all about Kym spinning across the floor and Warren doing next to nothing. Apparently it was his Cloris Week to sit and be window dressing. Michael said, “I would’ve liked to have seen you do more dance,” but he still thought it was “smoking” (we think he meant Kym and her big, fake boobies, not the dance). Carrie Ann “liked it. You remind me of Emmitt Smith,” and Bruno said, “You’ve got the knack of getting the character right every time. But, you made some mistakes this time.” It might have been a weak week for them but they still got a 25 (thanks in part to Michael Flatley’s 9 for Kym’s jugs.)

For the first group dance they all came together for an old school hip hop routine choreographed by Shotyme. The group dances are great for thinning the herd and what was painfully obvious was that Susan Lucci really sucks (she looked totally lost the entire time) while Derek and Lacey are sublimely talented and Cody has a lot more going on than perhaps he gets credit for.

At the end of the night, Lance and Lacey claim the top of the Leader board with 27 and, as usual, Cloris and Corky rule the bottom of the board with a 15. We think it’s either Susan or Cloris going home this week but we won’t know…

Until tomorrow.