Best and Worst Dressed at The Golden Globes

Worst:

Renee Zellweger: For years, our favorite red carpet pastime was playing the “How Drunk Will Renee Zellweger Be?” Game.  Then she got uppity and started arriving to events sober, taking all the fun out of our viewing experience. But last night Renee was in fine form. In a Carolina Herrera dress (does Renee ever wear anyone else?) that our friend John dubbed a mix of Cruella de Vil and a chess piece which threatened the horror of seeing her nude, we hear Renee was drugged out of her mind. Someone took a trip to the valley of the dolls on her way to the Golden Globes. At least that helps explain the dress. And the hair (yikes). You’d have to be on drugs to think that get up was cute. And, Renee, no one wants to see our shriveled little boobs. Sheer is not your friend. 

Ashton Kutcher: Not because of what he was wearing but because he was wearing it with his child molester mustache and goatee. We were waiting for him to curl his lip and say, “You sure do got a purdy mouth,” before offering us some candy to get in the back of his windowless van.

Maggie Gyllenhaal: As always, Maggie delivers a fashion faux pas as only she can. When will she realize that the words “Ugly” and “Stylish” are not synonymous? She looked like a little girl playing dress up in a blue leopard spotted one arm Lanvin dress which had a distinct Goodwill hand-me-down vibe. Add the 7th grade graduation French twist and it’s another Maggie Gyllenhaal red carpet failure. Why does she insist on tormenting us?

Megan Fox: Like Ashton Kutcher, Fox gets a worse nod not for what she was wearing but for what she had going on with her face. And that would be BOTOX!!!!!! Lots of it! At 22-years-old there is no need but Megan’s forehead was an smooth and unnaturally still as a Barbie dolls. That is so wrong. As was her admission during the pre-show that “I starve myself for a month” to get thin for the red carpet. Way to be a role model, Megan. Yuck!

Anne Hathaway: We’re on the fence about Anne’s Giorgio Armani Prive gown. The bottom was nice enough but the top was very ice skater-y. Overall, we have to admit it was a failure. Sorry, Anne.

Best:

Christina Applegate: With the best necklace of the night, if not the decade, and bringing to mind Belle from Beauty and the Beast in her Roberto Cavalli gown, Samantha Who gets a what what!

Drew Barrymore: Despite the quinceanera hair, Drew’s John Galliano gown was glorious. Ice blue is the new black, bitches.

Miley Cyrus: Miley was a full-tilt Grecian goddess in her magnificent Marchesa gown. She ended up walking the red carpet behind her ex, Nick Jonas, and his Brothers, but everyone knows looking good is the best revenge.

Amy Adams: We were beginning to wondering if Amy was pregnant but she looked gorgeous (and totally bump-less) in an Oscar de la Renta black strapless brocade dress that was sleek, glamorous and adorable…just like Amy.