Jeremy Piven’s Mystery Illness Revealed

Jeremy Piven has been forced to drop out from his current run in the critical and commercial hit Broadway revival of David Mamet's Speed-the-Plow, because he’s suffering a high mercury count.

Say whaaa? Why didn’t he just say the dog ate his interest in continuing on in the show?

According to Piv’s doctor, “his level of mercury was uncharacteristically high, one of the highest we’ve seen. We’re not sure if this is from his diet, which is high in fish, or Chinese herbs, which he’s been a fan of in the past, or a combination of both. He needs convalescence and rest and treatment, and this will clear his body and he will be back in action very soon.”

Much like us, many people have met Piven’s diagnosis with speculation, including Mamet, who quipped that Jeremy was leaving the show to pursue a career as a thermometer.

William H. Macy and Tony Award-winning Broadway vet Norbert Leo Butz will take over for the Pervy Piven in the Broadway revival.