Disney’s Golden Goose

In these troubled financial times, you need all the safe bets you can muster.

Given the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Disney chairman Dick Cook held a press conference at Los Angeles' Kodak Theatre on Wednesday to announce the studio’s plans for three upcoming films, all centered around Johnny Depp, the Mouse’s new cash cow.

Thank God they didn’t think those movies succeeded because of Orlando Bloom or Keira Knightley. (Is it just us or is she getting screechier?)

Cook announced they will make a third sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean (Great. ‘Cause the last two weren’t sucky enough?), that Depp would star as The Mad Hatter in director Tim Burton's forthcoming feature, Alice In Wonderland, which we think is going to be absolutely amazing, and then appear in an adaptation of The Lone Ranger, where Johnny will be the hero’s sidekick, Tonto.

Disney knows which side their bread is buttered on. You’ve come a long way from 21 Jump Street, baby.