Megan Fox: Loving Strippers, F---ing Disney

Megan Fox is trying so hard to be a poor man’s version of old-school, bad-ass, pre-adoption-and-saving-the-world Angelina Jolie. In this month’s GQ she goes off on Disney, speaks openly about falling in love with a female stripper (that’s klass) and how passé hand jobs are.

Somewhere, her publicist’s head just exploded.

Megan on Disney stars: “’Someone betrayed Vanessa [Hudgens], but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.’ Can I get that on the record? ‘Yeah. Fuck Disney… They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick.’”

What’s that sound? Oh, it’s the sound of Fox’s career grinding to a dead halt for pissing off one of the most powerful studios in Hollywood. Bad form, Megan.

On published photos implying a sexual romp with boyfriend Brian Austin Green during brunch at an outdoor café: “Who gives hand jobs? Who’s given a hand job since seventh grade? Not me. And who does it at a café on a public street? I touch him all the time. It’s just like, if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever. That’s all it was, but it became a big deal. I don’t know why. For me, touching Brian’s d--k for two seconds—that’s not part of our sex life. That’s me playing around; you know, you just cup it a little. For a few seconds.”

Can you blame the girl? If BAG were our boyfriend, we’d keep a hand on that thing at all times just ‘cause we could. It would be our stress ball…pun intended.

On her lesbian tendencies: “I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop [a strip club on Sunset Boulevard]. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. She was sort of a tough badass, but she’d do these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads. Look, I’m not a lesbian—I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl—Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson…”

Hmmm, do you think “Nikita” was her real name? That whole “I just love the human being” thing is so played out. Didn’t Jolie give a similar interview about Jenny Shimizu, her lover and Foxfire co-star? Boooring. Either admit that you’re trolling out your sexual proclivities for the press (you know she said it to get air time) or come up with a better line because that one is older than Elizabeth Taylor. Gay, straight, bi, whatever; we have a more pressing question and one that seems largely ignored when it comes to Fox…Can she act???