Cloris Leachman

Imagine a bubble bath, some candlelight and the low rumblings of Mister Barry White.

Sexy, right?

Now toss in a couple dripping wet and making out.

Ooooo, very Harlequin romance novel.

But we forgot to mention, the couple making out is Cloris Leachman and Jack Black.

Ummmm, ew.

Ewwwww.

We feel dirty.

Rather than choosing just one dance to encore, last night the entire cast was invited back to perform the group hip hop number again. We love watching the crowd because seeing everyone dance side by side gives a chance to size the competition up as a whole.

First up were Maurice and Cheryl dancing a Viennese Waltz which was technically proficient but lacked any chemistry. Guest judge Michael “Lord of the Dance” Flatley said it was unbelievable to see the fastest man on earth do something “so slow and elegant” even though he thought parts could have been a little smoother. Carrie Ann praised the improvement in Maurice's posture but was also struck by how little connection there was between M&C. Bruno, filling Len’s shoes as the surly, hard to please judge, said it lacked “the sweep and the grace it needed.

The couple invited back for an encore this week was Cody and Julianne re-performing their jitterbug. Proving she’s a consummate professional, whatever stomach problems Julianne may have been experiencing, you’d never have known by the performance she turned in. It was so good in fact, the audience AND the judges lauded them with a standing ovation.

Lance and Lacey started the show and Lance revealed that when ‘N SYNC first signed with a record label, they didn’t want him in the group because his dancing skills were so bad compared to the other guys. Their West Coast Swing was the first time we could see why. There was no swing to be found, it looked more like a dude at a bar after one too many but not quite enough to make it good. Lance even slipped during the routine, recovering nicely but eating it none the less. The judges and audience were in stunned, stupefied silence.

Because we aren’t already battling major voter fatigue, throughout last night’s show election style mud-slinging promos randomly aired. The whole “I’m Toni Braxton and I approved this message” thing was cute but we need a break from campaigning, not a running gag about it.

After weeks of being either bashed or maligned by the judges, Lance and Lacey are chosen to encore their Gothic punk tango. We love the encores because the performers are so much more relaxed and L & L demolish the dance floor once again!

Maurice and Cheryl kick off the show with their samba. The gloves are coming off in blatant vote-getting attempts. Maurice trots out his preciously precocious daughter to lighten the intense mood of learning their routine. At the start of their number, both sporting afro wigs, we couldn’t tell Cheryl from Maurice. In People Magazine she may whine, “Don’t call me fat!” What else do you want us to call you, chub-rock? Big boned?

The show began with a dance in honor of Misty May-Treanor. The routine that sent her into surgery yesterday was performed by Maksim and Edetya. When you watch two of the pros together, it’s such a heavy reminder of just how bad some of these “stars” are. With Maks and Edetya, there are no moments of nail-biting, “Will they pull this off?”; It’s just two minutes of pure entertainment.

Brooke and Derek are the first couple declared safe (duh), followed by Cloris and Corky (WHAT? Sympathy votes should only go so far).

Susan Lucci and Tony Diavolini kick off the night with a jive so tight and controlled, it was like Susan was clenching something between her butt cheeks. We know she’s a soap actress and realism isn't their thing, but she’s so plasticized and stiff, it’s hard to watch. The judges called her “timid,” we call her boring. Tony did all the work. They score a 21 but we’re not impressed and don’t think Susan is long for this show.

Last night’s hour of waiting kicked off with Warren and Kym performing an encore of their dramatic, Matrix-inspired paso doble followed by the Stars of Dance number featuring Pussycall Doll Carmit Bachar, one of the most bangin' trannies ever, and newly engaged, Step Up star Jenna Dewan. As much as we’d love to hate on Jenna, the truth is she is a marvelous dancer with such beautiful movement you can ignore the butt-her face.