Danny Gokey

Last night American Idol revealed the two contestants who will go head-to-head next week for the title of Idol.

And the finalists are...

Adam Lambert and Kris Allen.

That means buh-bye, Danny Gokey. Anyone surprised?

Adam and Kris will duke it out next Tuesday for the top spot.

This would have been so much more exciting if we hadn't already known from day one that Adam was going to win.

—J. Bavoso

Go, go, Gokey? WTF?! Go, go, get your ass off the stage. Over it.   

WTF?! Kris needs to apologize for that flat, out of tune version of one of my fave songs. It was painful. Even his piano notes were wack. Final three? Please. Allison! Come back Mami!

WTF?! I thought the color on my TV was retarded, but it was just the Kardashians' spray tan in HD. 

Um. I hope Bono wasn't watching, because he probably regrets his decision to let Adam jack up his song. Ouch. Even Randy had to break it down. But, he'll still win. And yes, he should.

Do you really need a recap?

Don’t we all already know that Adam Lambert is winning?

That’s been a foregone conclusion since jump.

But here’s what happened last night.

Each judge and each Idol got to pick a song to perform.

Danny Gokey sang Paula’s choice for him “Dance Little Sister” first. We can’t stand the sound of Danny’s voice. His gravelly, flat, rasp is so old and all we think when he’s onstage is “dead wife.”

Brought to you by our friend Mel... 

So, I don't think I've ever commented on a Wednesday results show, but AI gave me absolutely no choice last night.

1.  Who makes those bloody Ford commercials?  And more importantly, how do they sleep at night?  They make me want to shoot myself in the face.

Allison Iraheta, Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and Danny Gokey comprise this season’s final four.

Taking the stages to sing with Slash and the band, Kris, again, just can’t rise to the occasion, Danny grunts and shoves out the best notes he can, which aren’t that good, while Adam and Allison own the song.

Before anyone was announced safe, Paula Abdul left her judge’s chair to perform her new single “I’m Just Here for the Music.”

We thought they didn’t allow lipsyncing on Idol.

It’s Rock Week, bitches.

For the first time, the final four were paired up to sing duets as Guns n’ Roses guitarist Slash put them through their paces at the Roxy with a full band and none of the usual soft light, hand-holding, Barry Manilow, “Let’s all sing Kum Ba Yah” and try to impress Randy antics Idol is so prone to.

Getting down to business, the Idols are split into two groups with Matt Giraud and Kris Allen on one side of the stage, Allison Iraheta and Danny Gokey on the other.

Ryan Seacrest asked Adam Lambert which side of the stage he thought he belonged on. Although he hemmed and hawed for a moment, Adam chose Allison and Danny, thinking they were the better performers last night.

After letting him join them, Ryan announced he was in the wrong group and needed to join Kris and Matt to complete this week’s bottom three.

BURN!

Singing standards made iconic by the Rat Pack, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin, Danny, Allison, Matt, Adam and Kris, the American Idol Top Five, took the stage last night.

Since all the men involved in the Rat Pack are now, sadly, dead, AI busted out Jamie Foxx as their replacement.

Someone pulled some major strings to get that big ol’ plug for The Soloist.

Starting the night was a routine choreographed by Paula Abdul which the Idols lipsynced to, which was one of the most uncomfortable performances we’ve ever had to watch. It made Sanjaya look like a hayride.

But it was nothing compared to the pain of a double elimination.  

The first person announced in the bottom three this week was the first person asked to stand by Ryan Seacrest, Lil Rounds.

Without creating a bottom three, Ryan immediately announces that the journey for Lil “ends tonight.”

Damn.

After Matt Giraud was saved last week, there was double the pressure, double the fun since two Idols will be sent home this week and, as Simon Cowell warned, it’s Disco Night. Not that you would have known based on the way the songs were performed.