Jessica Alba

For today's segment of "Crimes of Fashion," we look to the Jessicas, Biel and Alba, at two separate premieres for their new hit film Valentine's Day.

Let's start with Jessica Biel. Okay, maybe we don't know where to start. This dress is such a mess, that we can't tell where it ends and where the flowers behind her begin in this picture. She looks like she's wearing shredded cotton candy. And believe it or not, that's not a flattering look for anyone.

Jessica Alba loves cash, and we're not talking about her husband Cash Warren.

The Valentine's Day star sat down for an interview with Scarlet magazine and they asked what her favorite thing about being famous.

"Making lots of money has made me happy," Alba said.

At least she's honest about it, huh?

Is Lindsay Lohan moving in Jessica Alba's husband Cash Warren?

They were reportedly spotted not too long ago at the Villa in Hollywood talking and then later making out.

If this is true, it's definitely a new low for Lohan (a Low-han?). And also Cash Warren, what's your deal? You have a hot wife at home and a baby. Do you really want to involved with that hot mess? Everyone just needs to get a grip.

Our favorite train wreck has landed another movie role. ...

Two of Grey's Anatomy's hottest hunks, Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane, will star alongside Julia Roberts, Ashton Kutcher and Bradley Cooper, in the romantic comedy Valentine's Day.

Dempsey, 43, will play a will play a married obstetrician who is cheating on his wife with Jennifer Garner. Dane swaps his stethoscope for a football in his role as a quarterback on the verge of retirement.

Jessica Biel has been named Revlon’s newest Global Brand Ambassador.

That’s a fancy way of saying she’s their new spokesmodel and is going to make a buttload of money convincing women who will never look like her (no matter how hard we wish and pray) that using the same mascara and foundation will bring us one step closer to her level of beauty. Timberlake not included.

She joins the ranks of Jessica Alba, Halle Berry and Jennifer Connelly, who have also shilled for the company.

Biel’s ads will begin running in Spring 2010.

Jessica Alba wants everyone to know, she’s not dumb. She’s actually really, really smart.

Really!

So smart in fact, her brilliance went over everyone’s heads.

While we were all thinking she’s a nimrod for telling a reporter to, “Be neutral. Be Sweden,” instead of saying Switzerland, she wants you to know that Sweden WAS neutral…during World War II.

Ah, doy dicky.

Alba took to her Myspace blog in retaliation following flack she’s gotten and wrote:

We don't.

Imagine a bubble bath, some candlelight and the low rumblings of Mister Barry White.

Sexy, right?

Now toss in a couple dripping wet and making out.

Ooooo, very Harlequin romance novel.

But we forgot to mention, the couple making out is Cloris Leachman and Jack Black.

Ummmm, ew.

Ewwwww.

We feel dirty.

Like we said yesterday, in the hunt for ratings supremacy, the big guns are comin’ out and this time they’re Jessica Alba’s.

Alba has signed on to join Jack Black in The Office’s ever growing post-Super Bowl spectacular.

The episode, titled "Stress Relief," follows Jim, Pam, Dwight, Michael and the rest of our favorite Dunder Mifflin Paper Company employees as they try to covertly watch a bootlegged movie at work.