Kym Johnson

Last night's Dancing with the Stars finale was two torturous hours long, but that's why you have us! We know the only thing that matters is who took the mirror ball trophy home.

In the end, it was Brooke Burke and Derek Hough facing off against Warren Sapp and Kym Johnson.

And the winners are....
Brooke and Derek!!!!

It’s the finals, y’all!

Only three dancers are still ready to rumba: Lance Bass, Brooke Burke and Warren Sapp. We hate to gloat…but we’re going to anyway. When we exclusively announced the DWTS cast list in August, a week before it was revealed on Good Morning America, we called Final Three as Warren, Lance and Susan Lucci. Two out of three, baby!

Who will take home the mirror ball trophy? The anticipation is killing us so let’s dive in.

Before a single dancer hit the floor last night, the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, sounding incredible, sang her classic “Chain of Fools.” If ABC is going to make us sit through an hour of filler before announcing which three couples have made it to the finals, THIS is the kind of entertainment we wish we had all the time.

Following Aretha was the emerging princess of pop, Leona Lewis. She is stunning in every imaginable way: her face, her voice, her body, her hair. We love Leona!

If Star Magazine is to be believed, Cody Linley has turned into a raging hormone monster on the set of Dancing with the Stars, hitting on everything that moves and creating incredible amounts of tension and discomfort on the set for Lacey Schwimmer and Kym Johnson.

Well, we’re calling bull*%^t!

Our inside sources tell us that they story is COMPLETELY FALSE.

With only one week until the semi-finals, last night’s show started with the final four in foul form.

The couple invited back for this week’s encore was Warren, or, as Bruno calls him, Mr. Big Fun, and Kym to perform their 007 Tango.

Back in the red room, Julianne Hough, recovered from her appendectomy, thanked Edyta for stepping in. “You’ve done an incredible job and I really mean that,” she said, with an underlying air that perhaps the two had some previous tension between them. “We’re all one big family here,” Samantha Harris gushed while Julianne made a face. What’s up with that Lady Bird?

Cody and Edyta, who’s still filling in for Julianne who hasn’t fully recovered from her appendectomy, performed an affably charming Foxtrot for their first dance. It wasn’t fireworks and lightning but it had a charm, grace and ease, which Cody’s mad frenetic energy (which we dig) usually lacks. Len was “pleasantly surprised. You had an elegance and I thought you did a top notch job.” “I never thought I would see it!

The couple invited back for an encore this week was Cody and Julianne re-performing their jitterbug. Proving she’s a consummate professional, whatever stomach problems Julianne may have been experiencing, you’d never have known by the performance she turned in. It was so good in fact, the audience AND the judges lauded them with a standing ovation.

Lance and Lacey started the show and Lance revealed that when ‘N SYNC first signed with a record label, they didn’t want him in the group because his dancing skills were so bad compared to the other guys. Their West Coast Swing was the first time we could see why. There was no swing to be found, it looked more like a dude at a bar after one too many but not quite enough to make it good. Lance even slipped during the routine, recovering nicely but eating it none the less. The judges and audience were in stunned, stupefied silence.

Word on the street is Warren Sapp may be a fan favorite on Dancing with the Stars but his teddy bear image is reserved for when the cameras are rolling. During rehearsals he’s demanding, gruff, and prone to storming out on partner Kym Johnson and her massive new fake boobies.