Madonna

Madonna, who we always love seeing in films (that's a joke), is getting ready to direct her own film (we wish that was a joke).

The film will feature two stories. The first is a historical love story about the Duke and Dutchess of Windsor, and the other is about a modern couple.

Guy Ritchie said ex-wife Madonna is "retarded." For real. He really said that.

His exact quote was: "I still love her. But she's retarded, too." Takes one to know one, huh?

Madonna told David Letterman last night that she will won't be marrying for a third time.

"I think I'd rather be run over by a train," she said. Madge also, evidently, has never had a slice of New York pizza (how is this possible?), so Letterman took her up the street to grab a slice. She doesn't eat cheese (of course), so she took hers with basil and olives on top.

We don't know many New Yorkers who would say that's the same!

Now that we got our Kanye rant out of the way, we can talk about the good parts of MTV's Video Music Awards last night, and there were a lot!

Justin Timberlake has reportedly promised director Guy Ritchie he will appear in one of his next films.

The two men were spotted at Ritchie's Punchbowl pub in London recently, and the pair shook hands on the deal.

Timberlake, 28, could appear in Ritchie's upcoming projects including the musical Guys and Dolls and also a remake of the war film Wild Geese.

Courteney Cox and husband David Arquette are reportedly planning to adopt after having no success with IVF for a second child.

The couple conceived their daughter Coco, 5, through IVF and reportedly tried again this year but had no success.

An unidentified source said: "It's been a tough ride already. They've said they'll do 'whatever it takes' to have another child and have started looking seriously at adoption. Courteney always wanted loads of children, but after fighting so hard to have Coco, she and David had to face facts."

Celebrities take to Twitter to share their heartfelt emotions about the passing of Michael Jackson.

The Queen of Pop aka Madona released the following statement about the King of Pop. "I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson. The world has lost one of the greats, but his music will live on forever! My heart goes out to his three children and other members of his family. God bless."

Well, we guess it's official now.

A-Rod has moved on from Madonna to Kate Hudson and Kate is apparently following Skeezy Rodriguez around like a lost puppy as he travels with the Yankees.

Oh, Kate, please get out now. No one wants to be the "New Madonna" when it comes to relationships.

Well, if there's one good thing about Skeezy Rodriguez it's that he's consistant: He's into blonds.

Alex Rodriguez, who was famously linked to Madonna while the two were both still married, was reportedly seen making out with Kate Hudson this weekend in New York.

That's one way to celebrate a win, we guess.

Kate, we say get out now. No one wants Madonna's sloppy seconds.

—J. Bavoso

Is Madonna looking to put a ring on it?

By "it" we mean her Brazilian model boy-toy, Jesus Luz.

According to the UK's Daily Mirror newspaper, Madonna, 50, is planning a Kabbalah "commitment ceremony" in New York for herself and Luz, 22. The singer reportedly wants to make it official in order to help her adoption case in Malawi and Luz has already converted to Kabbalah in preparation.