Tara Reid

Tara Reid won’t be appearing in the latest American Pie film, Book of Love.

Some reports say negotiations broke down, forcing her to pull out. We’d bet she heard the rising chorus of uproarious laughter at her pathetic backslide and she jumped ship in an attempt to save whatever miniscule remnants of some version of dignity she has left.

Too bad.

American Pie 7 totally could have been her Wrestler.

—Sasha Perl-Raver

First Brittany Murphy and now Tara Reid?

What is this?

“Take Pity on Has-Been Actresses” Week?

Recently rehabbed Tara Reid is reprising her role in American Pie as Vicki Lathum.

She’ll appear in the seventh movie in the Pie franchise, Book of Love, about a new group of kids that find the “sex bible.”

Ummm, yeah, that bad boy is going straight to video.

But at least someone hired her washed up ass.  

—Sasha Perl-Raver

Carson Daly and his longtime girlfriend Siri Pinter welcomed their first child, a baby boy, on Sunday night.

They named their son Jackson James Daly.

We’ve known Jacksons…and they’ve all be major hot sauce. This kid is going to grow up to be a stud.

Congratulations to the new parents and especially to Carson, who was once engaged to Tara Reid.

No one wants a kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Way to dodge a bullet there, Carson.

—Sasha Perl-Raver

OMG!

Did Jesse Metcalfe eat Dean Cain?

Remember when Jesse was the hot gardener on Desperate Housewives?

Now he’s just the desperate loser who shows up on the red carpet and makes people gasp in wonder, thinking, “What happened to that guy?”

Jesse attended last night’s Watchmen premiere at Graumann’s Chinese in Hollywood, and he looked like straight up butt juice.

No bueno.

Very retired porn star.

And that’s not a good thing.

Looks like Jesse’s “lifestyle” (sniff, sniff) has finally caught up to him.

After years of drug and alcohol abuse, Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center, the celebrity rehab facility in Malibu.

Promises has previously treated such stars as Britney Spears (before she shaved her head), Mel Gibson (after he spewed racial and sexist hatred in a drunken rage), Lindsay Lohan (before she chased her ex-assistant and was arrested for DUI for a third time) and Ben Affleck (the one patient they seem to have had some success with).

Carson Daly, 35, and his girlfriend Siri Pinter are expecting their first child together in early spring.

“Carson is thrilled to be a father, and they are looking forward to an extra special Thanksgiving this year with family and friends,” his rep said.

We’re just thrilled he didn’t knock up Tara Reid, (that we know of). That kid would have all kinds of alcohol related birth defects.

Congratulations to the expectant parents. 

It’s the end of an era.

Teen fans will have to find a new place to shriek, weep and squeal.

MTV’s TRL aired its final show on Sunday and they went out with a star studded bang. “Total Finale Live,” taped as all the shows had at MTV Studios in Times Square featured 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake and Beyoncé Knowles.

Justin Timberlake told Carson Daly, whose glory days (including an engagement to Tara Reid) were when he was hosting the show, “This is like a big high school reunion in a way,” JT said. “We kind of all grew up together.”

Former Desperate Housewives star Jesse Metcalfe is lucky to be alive.

The male Tara Reid (although he was never really as famous as Tara which makes him even more tragic) is recovering in a London hospital after falling 40 feet from a balcony in Monaco on Sunday night. Metcalfe reportedly hit his head and was left unconscious after slipping between a gap in a pathway at an afterparty following the World Music Awards.

In an effort to salvage her career as an actress (yeah, right), Tara Reid is giving up the only thing that’s been paying her bills recently; she’s dropped her booking agent and with it, she hopes, the party girl stigma that cloaks her like cheap perfume.

Poor Tara Reid. She’s not even a hot mess; she’s just a messy, funky, puke-in-the-hair mess.

The former actress attended last night’s premiere of The Women in Los Angeles. Why? She’s not in it, we doubt she’s friends with Meg Ryan or Annette Benning and there’s really no place for her on the red carpet anymore. She hasn’t acted in years, she’s reportedly a raging alcoholic and she looks like a reheated poopburger.