Tropic Thunder

To quote our mom: We need this like we need a loch in kop.

What the hell are they thinking????

Some a-hole has decided to remake Clue.

Our friend John told us about it last night and we could only think of one thing:

“Flames, on the side of my face. Breathing…breathless…heaving breaths.”

Why must they screw around with a film that is already brilliant and perfect?

The nominees for the 81st Annual Academy Awards were announced this morning by Forest Whitaker and Academy President Sid Ganis at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in Beverly Hills.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button led the pack with 12 nominations, followed by Slumdog Millionaire with 10. None of cast members from Slumdog were nominated, and the Leonardo Decaprio and Kate Winslet-vehicle Revolutionary Road was almost totally snubbed, with only one major nod coming in the form of a Best Supporting Actor nomination for Michael Shannon.

Let's get the painful worst out of the way first so we can end this year on the high note of what was great.

Worst
1. Hounddog
A terribly written, amateurishly directed, horrendously acted, self-important parable about lost innocence rife with Adam and Eve symbolism; the film’s major claim to fame is the rape of 12-year-old Dakota Fanning. To call it offensively bad is to be kind. 

Tina Fey has been named The Associated Press’ Entertainer of the Year.

Is that because she’s so Maverick-y?

Tina came in ahead of Iron Man and Tropic Thunder star Robert Downey Jr. and newly ubiquitous Heath Ledger, who were named second and third respectively.

The honor is decided by newspaper editors and broadcast producers from across the country.

Go, Tina!

This year’s Golden Globe nominees were announced early Thursday morning with The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Doubt and Frost/Nixon leading the pack with five nominations each.

Don Cheadle has been cast to replace Terrence Howard in Iron Man 2.

Howard played Jim Rhodes, Tony Stark/Iron Man's best friend and his future armor-clad cohort War Machine. In a scene toward the end of the movie, he longingly gazes at a silver suit of armor as Iron Man flies off and says, “Next time” (such a rad moment in an already bitchin’ movie) setting up Rhodes transformation into War Machine, and a much larger part, in the sequel, which Justin Theroux (Tropic Thunder) is currently writing.

But there won’t be a next time for Howard.

Hounddog, also known as the infamous “Dakota Fanning rape movie,” has been desperately seeking distribution since its debut at Sundance in 2007. For some unfathomable reason, the film will finally have a limited release in theaters September 5th when, audiences will discover, Fanning’s sexual assault is just one part of a thoroughly offensive trip to the movies.

If you can get through the first five minutes of Tropic Thunder without panting for breath because you’re laughing so hard, you might want to see someone about that.

Ben Stiller’s latest directorial effort is the funniest movie we’ve seen in 2008, and when we say funny we mean weeping, snorting, wailing, slapping the person next to you, pleading for a break because you’re afraid you might pee your pants hilarious.

Go with us on this one:  Justin Theroux is mad sexy!

Get past his stupid hat and get down with those stunning brown eyes. Hello!

We were never much of a fan of Theroux’s, but while interviewing him for Tropic Thunder, we were shocked to find ourselves lustily swimming in his eyes, wanting to jump over the table to plant a big wet one on him and giggling like a school girl.